Me, yet not me
Jackson had a meltdown this morning because he didn’t see any track pants in his drawer to wear to school. I let him stomp and rage until I heard a thud, then thought I should at least offer an “Are you OK?” He was crying because he’d fallen down putting his jeans on (pro tip - don’t try to put on skinny jeans both legs at once while standing). I gave him a hug while he cried it out, then decided to check myself to see if there were any magical track pants in his drawer. Lo and behold, there was one pair. “Oh,” he sniffled. And it struck me as he wriggled out of his skinny jeans that this is just who he is. He is not Mr. Easygoing. He has strong opinions on things that I don’t think twice about, and while in some ways he thinks so much like I do it’s scary, (I can TOTALLY READ HIS MINDS SOMETIMES. WEIRD.) being relaxed is not one of them. As all this was happening I was wearing a pair of $8 pants I found on clearance at Steinmart and bought because (a) I needed pants, and (b) they were only $8!, and (c) they fit. They also currently have the zipper pull stuck sideways. I don’t have any particular feelings about the pants other than they are pants, and therefore they are useful at helping me stay warm when I take the dog out and retain my sense of modesty (I am no Lady Gaga). But I am not Jackson, and he is not me.
I think it’s really hard to remember your child is separate from yourself, especially when they’re young. They say or do things differently than you would do them, and while there are some things we can change, some things are just THEM. I hope that someday he can maintain more of an even keel about something as simple as pants, but I doubt that he will ever be the type to say, “Yeah, whatever you think! I’m easy like Sunday Morning!” If I can just remember to work with his personality as it is, maybe we can both learn something.